growing up

For the past 6 years, I have happily lived in Utah. I haven’t wanted to go back home, besides the occasional visit. This past Christmas however, brought about a really big change for me. I really want to move back home.

It’s taken me so long to finish school. And I still have a little bit left. I don’t regret this. It’s been an amazing journey with some pretty important stops along the way. I’ve learned a lot and I love who I am today. I’m a little bit better than I was a few months ago. And I am certainly a lot better than I was 6 years ago.

I’ve learned how to be more honest–with myself and with everyone around me. I still struggle a little bit. I don’t really like to be vulnerable and sometimes I hide myself a lot.

I’ve learned how to be stronger. I’ve dealt with a lot in the past few years and I’ve dealt with the majority of it on my own, sometimes by choice and sometimes because there isn’t always someone there to pick up the pieces. And I’ve learned how to be strong enough to let others lean on me when they need it.

I’ve learned how to be more independent and to take care of myself without relying on relationships. I don’t stay in relationships because I am scared to be alone. I’ve learned to love to be alone and to embrace this time with myself.

I’ve learned how to love myself with all my flaws and to look in the mirror and genuinely believe that I am worth everything good and that I am pretty awesome.

I’ve learned that I have shortcomings and it is ok to admit those and seek help.

I’ve learned that I have ADHD and I am not just stupid and lazy, but that I need a little bit of extra help focusing and being less impulsive. (And my grades have shot up, which is the best thing ever.)

I don’t think I would be who I am today without all my wonderful/difficult/tragic/incredible experiences. I have a long way to go and I am really excited for that.

I feel confident that the next part of my journey is going home to Florida. I want to be with my family a lot. I don’t know when it will be, but I do know it will be within the year (unless something drastic happens…) and I look forward to the next step.

[there is some great person wandering around Provo leaving these messages on the sidewalks. i adore them.]

My Space

Wanted: The man who lives in this room. He looks awfully amazing.

I feel like the best way you could ever possibly get to know me is by coming up to my room. Everything hanging on the walls, stacked on the bookshelf, and dancing in the closet screams more about who I am than an hour alone with me ever could. Isn’t that fascinating?

Because of this, not very many people have been in my current bedroom. It’s all me. And that’s kind of scary. So if you’ve actually been in my room (and you don’t live with me) then you should feel very special. Because you’re one of very few. I mean, a couple people have slipped by, but for the most part, my space is pretty VIP.

Obnoxious

Fact: I’M HOH-OHM!!!! (Pretend I just said that in my obnoxious voice. I know you know what I’m talking about.)

And it is humid. So humid. I think I am going to die. But my family is nice. And those Packer people sure are awesome. That’s about it. More to come.

Finals Week

Finals begin today. Which is fine, because I feel ready for them. It has been a very good semester and I will be sad to see it go. I don’t know how next semester is even going to compare. My goal is to make it even better. I can’t wait.

As a rule, finals week always goes out with a bang. April 2009 brought a car wreck. December 2008 brought llamas and car wrecks. April 2008 was all-nighters, The O.C. marathons, and too much food. As for December 2009, Talana is in town and staying with me, so it’s gonna be a good one. Yesterday was amazing, what with church and music and games. Today promises to be just as good. So, if I can catch the bus, I’ll be taking some finals, building some snowmen, eating some hot dogs, caroling at a nursing home, baking banana bread, going to the library, and watching Christmas movies. You are all invited to join me on any of these activities. Documentation will be provided of fun times.

As for the rest of the week, Alexia’s getting married! Kate’s getting in town today and I am going home in just 3 days. I can’t wait to see my family and to finally be warm. Ahhh…Florida. I can hear you calling me. I’m coming.

D: Dream Homes

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Soddy I’ve been such a bad blogger. I blame school. Or life. Or whatever. So anyways, here is another D for you!

I love dreaming about what my home will look like when I grow up {meaning, when I’m all done with college and I have a family}. I love the idea of a cozy little place in a small town, or a lovely flat in New York City, but mostly I want a great, sprawling, Victorian home {not unlike Laura’s}. You know, one with a wrap around porch, an attic and a basement and 2-3 stories. One with secret passages behind bookshelves and wardrobes, and a place where the sea is close enough to hear at night when it is quiet {like in The Orphanage!} Multiple fireplaces are a must, as well as a huge backyard with a creek and trees and secret gardens.

Too much to ask? Maybe. Not that I care.

Here are some good images to get the imagination rolling about how my home is going to look someday.

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And did I mention windows? Lots and lots of windows.

Post Edit:
Bliss featured some pictures that are also very inspiring and pretty much sum up my household desires.

Oh yes.

This is me. Hopefully my new apartment will be as homey as the last one was.

Florida

Who is done with finals? Oh, that would be me. And who had a very stressful day yesterday? Oh that would be me.

1) Dawna texted me at six am telling me to leave early because there was snow. I am so thankful she did because I had an exam at 7 and was planning to get up at 5. But that text woke me up. I have never ever gotten ready so fast in my entire life. Hoo boy.

2) I slipped on the way up the stairs and dropped my notebook everywhere. Stupid snow.

3) We aren’t going to talk about this one. I am still not quite sure what to do…

4) The plane from Cincinnati was delayed. Stupid snow.

5) Florida is hot! I usually love it, but hello! I’ve been used to the cold and the jump to 80 degrees is intense! I might come back with a tan though. Too bad I forgot my swimsuit. Suck!

SO there are 5 bad things. Here are 5 good things:

1) I AM HOME!!!!! I missed my family so much and I am so happy to be with them.

2) Tavi loves me. He thinks that I am amazing and he keeps bringing me all his toys.

3) It’s so nice and warm here! I will never be cold again.

4) I get to see Packer people today! That’s right, be jealous.

5) Christmas is in 8 days!!!!!!!

So Happy Christmakkuh to all!